So, shit hit the fan- but I’m gonna be ok.

The title pretty much sums it up.

Good/Bad news… I’m officially off effexor!

It was a long three month tapering process but I have not taken it at all in 4 days.

I had been doing the 3 days off prior to stopping completely so you’d think id at least have 3 easy days, right? WRONG! Thursday morning I woke up and had an overall uneasy feeling. I couldn’t get comfortable all day. I later find out that a kid I went to high school died in his sleep unexpectedly no cause and I freaked the F out. Lost it completely. I immediately started panicking and obsessing over the fact that this can happen to me too at any moment. I started overanalyzing the fact that I am at a higher risk of heart attack and stroke due to being about 30 lbs overweight…

Fast forward to the next day. I called my sister, who always helps me out of an attack, and she did her thing and helped soothed me until she said “if there’s anything to worry about it’s the possibility of a brain aneurysm” (our great grandmother died of this)…. Well great— Friday was spent obsessing over the possibility of that happening. I read so many articles online I’m seriously an expert now on aneurysms. In fact I gave myself a migraine and the pressure in my head was that of being deep down in the ocean just completely incapacitating.

That’s what anxiety is… Incapacitating.

That night whilst trying to go to sleep I couldn’t help but notice an incessant ringing in my ears. In fact it’s been two days and my ears are still ringing. During the day I don’t notice it so much but at night it’s overwhelming. After doing much googling I found that it is called tinnitus… Tinnitus is not dangerous it’s just a common condition that actually goes hand in hand with anxiety.

In fact, this may have just developed as a side effect of my extreme stress. Those are my hopes. I can’t live with this ringing it’s unbearable. It’s as if I was at a concert with blaring music… You know that muffling ring you get afterwards? Yea that’s me right now 24:7

After a day from hell and side effects up the wazoo I was able to relax. I decided to drive up to Orlando with my son and my Mother to visit my sisters in an attempt to get my mind off everything. It’s certainly helped a bit. I feel more in control and had time away from the stressors at home to focus on feeling ok.

I’m in the car on the way home now and I know this week will potentially bring new troubles since I refuse to take another capsule of effexor but I NEED to remember that I’m ok, that this is a part of the process. I’m not dying from some crazy disease. This will all be over soon and I’ll live a happy controlled effexor free- anxiety free (God willing) life.

PS I lost 5 lbs since Thursday as I refuse to put a piece of chocolate in my mouth. I won’t be able to fear heart attacks etc if I get to my healthy weight.

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